...CAN'T BREEEATHE!!!

In about 72 hours, Katy and I will be aboard Japan Airlines, jetting to China and Hong Kong!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk!! It was a year and 1/2 ago when Katy and I excitedly planned this in thin air....now, it's sinking as reality!!! oh my goodness....can someone get me an oxygen tank??!!?

I'm experiencing a tad bit anxiety now b/c part is that it's such a HUUUGE trip for me. I haven't been on an international trip since over 10 years ago. And to know that it's creeping up and adventure awaits for me is way over my head to absorb! Another part is that so many things are happening now that I will totally be homesick over there. For instance, church choir begins today, so I will be missing 3 weeks of what I love so much of. Another is that my business has been busy and leaving behind my clients will be a bit nervewrecking, but I know Sabrina/my dad can handle them with care. I wanna hang out more with Shelby and Sabrina, since we've been doing things more (ice-cream runs, late dinners, Scrabble, shopping) I just want it to continue without a break. And Jeremy and I are doing so exceptionally happily that I'm seriously gonna miss him to the bone. Not only that, but I'll miss the rest of my friends and family.  Like a loser, I'm totally  homesick ALREADY!!! waaaaaah

I know I'll have like the ultimate time, just being in a different country, being with Katy. I haven't really talked or hung out with Katy for the past 2 months. We were super close and then we both got  supercharged-busy with our lives, so I'm really looking forward to girl-talk and girl-stupidity. Can you imagine us being soooo bored on the plane that her and I start playing "TAG" down the aisles?? hmm...it "could" happen!! heehee

IT'S BOILING DOWN TO IT!!!!

...Hong Kong and China, in a little over 3 weeks!!! Can't wait to be going with one of my closest friends, Katy. We're merging with a tour b/c my aunt is a travel agent--therefore, my friends, it is called "hoooookups"! hehehe

We're hittin up Shanghai, Beijing, Xian, Suzhou, Hangzhou, Taishan, Guilin, Shenzhen, and Hong Kong......(whew! sounds like a dimsum menu in a mouthful) I'm getting ready to narrow things down for this longawaited trip. Katy's been waiting all her life practically, I haven't gone back in over 10 years. Any traveling tips anyone???? I need em! So far, I have:

-tell credit card company that I'm going overseas to use my plastic, get the SpaceSaver and suck up any excess air in the packing, bring PoChai pills (for anti-poopy times), and to get a purse that has a tough shoulder strap so that pickpockets can't cut them and run off (scary!)....

Feed me some more traveling advice, people, pleeeeease! Gracias!

I have met someone seriously special.

Typically the curveballs that God pitches at you are ones to test your patience and strength, making sure you can stand your ground through a trial period. But this curveball was utterly a blessing....this supersized blessing's name is Jeremy.

I've been away from Xanga b/c I've been spending time with this remarkable person, trying to understand what God pitched at me. Jeremy works downstairs from me and we always knew of each other, me saying hello to his office workers and him from time to time. For 7-8 months it was just that, nothing else. But then, one day, I brought coffee beans to him b/c I knew that he liked coffee (someone told me and he's always outside drinking it). So I brought him a bag of Starbucks coffee and delivered it to him. He was so taken back and that sparked an invitation to a sushi dinner for the following night. I went to dinner, thinking it was a regular dinner....but our chemistry and compatibility exploded into more dinners and more dates after that awesome night! At that point in my life, I wanted to be single and wasn't ready for anything, since I'd been hurt and pierced a few weeks prior to that by another stupid loser. Outta nowhere, a meteor blasted into my life!

I've never laughed so much with a man, never felt so cared for by a man, and never been more secure with someone as I do with Jeremy. He hasn't let me down, he doesn't intend to. Instead, he's always surprising me and blowing me away with his sweet ways. The way that I've treated alllll of my boyfriends and friends is the way he treats me- with respect, sincerity, humor and love. It seems soo unreal b/c I didn't know someone like him could exist, especially after all the garbage I've been sifting through all my life. And here he was! Right in my building, on the 1st floor, in Stockton! Can God be more on the ball?!!?? NUTS!!

The best thing about our new relationship (not boyfriend/girlfriend yet- not ready for that) is that this time around, I put GOD as my focal point. In the past, I put God on the backburner, saying that if my boyfriend doesn't believe then it's okay b/c I believe at least. totally unequally yolked! But with Jeremy, I've put God on the table since day one, always professing my love and relationship of the Lord. And b/c of that, God has continued to bless and direct our relationship in the best way--with a slow, respectful and patient pace. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect driver than God himself.

Jeremy is amazingly wonderful, successful, charming, way sweet, romantic, hilarious to the funny bone, and extremely attentive to me. I love being loved! I love that my sisters love me being treated well! I love that my friends always see an undeniable glow on my face! I love that God is activated on HIGH in my heart during this relationship!

Truly, without a doubt, I've been blessed......thank you God so so much~

 I FINALLY UPGRADED!!NOW I'M COOL LIKE ALL OF YOU!!

Since I was in high school, I've wanted something so bad that burned inside of me, more so than dancing (and dancing is a serious passion of mine). The desire that burned all the time was the desire to have a friendship with my mom.

She's always been the frantic, anal, organizational, word-whipping mother that tells me to do chores, errands, and how to be neat. Never did I really get to "talk" to her about who I am or what I want in life. Instead, I'd find out what she's like and she'd find out what I'm like through my Aunt Cindy. (My mom and I are close to her, so we use her as a mediator for years). I'd cry and feel sad constantly b/c I always told myself "I would trade my house, my money, my lifestyle to be poor and I could give it all up to have a healthy relationship with my mom." For years, I'd be saddened and wish so badly to be close to her, to embrace her as a model figure and to know her as my friend and not just a strict mother.

Vicky/Katy/Sabrina would always have the privilege of gettin that "girlfriend" side of my mom, experiencing the funny talks, the laughs, the non-serious stuff. But when it came to me, I always felt left out...and viceversa b/c I couldn't tell my mom anything about myself. My mom and I are TOO much alike to the point that 2 rams always crash into each other, never really scarring one another- but it does cause tension and constant heat. We can't have a 60 second conversation without one of us firing a rocket at each other's head. It's always short-fused and short-tempered. I have too much of her blood.

After years of being a spectator and yearning deep in my soul to be a participant in the "mother-daughter" team, I decided to do something extremely uncomfortable....to lure my mom to sit still and TALK to her about me. I made sure she was in a good mood, in which she was, and got her in my room. I began by asking her how my dad and her met. I was surprised to find out the true story...always hearing bits and pieces from other people, but never from her mouth. Because my mom can't sit still and always has a reason to scram, she was near the door the entire time with her hand on the doorknob while I sat on my bed...having her 10 feet away from me was the best I could do and I was gonna capitalize on that.

I think I successfully robbed her of 10 full minutes and cried about half of that. I told her WHY I don't have a boyfriend (not just b/c I'm choosey, but also due to the pain I've endured). I filled her in on my exboyfriends, why they left me, how one cheated on me, and how recently Gordon wasn't mature enough for me. I told her that it's not my fault that I can't settle down, that a lot dealt with the men themselves and their levels of maturity. I expressed how lucky she was to have my Dad and how men in my generation aren't like Dad...they play around too much, refuse to calm down and don't appreciate women. She gave me advice on relationships, what to look out for, and that she agrees that patience is the only way now for me to find someone. Before, she'd say it's my fault that I didn't have a steady boyfriend. However, I think her opinion vastly changed tonite by my unexpected crying and expressiveness. I think my mom understood quite a deal b/c she was silent a few times and for once, not trying to opinionate the situation by blaming me. By the 10th minute, she was antzy and her hand began to jiggle the doorknob. I think she felt that she got "enough" for now. She gave me some closing sentences and left the room. I know she didn't know how to come over and comfort my crying but that she knew it was subside within a few minutes. But she was wrong. I cried a river after she left b/c I finally finally finally achieved a "taste" of what it will be like for the future between us.

I know that my mom loves me very much, although she doesn't really show me. But by me being SO uncomfortable and my mom being SO uncomfortable tonight, and stepping into awkward territory...I can't help but to believe that we both took a small step into what we should've had a loooong time ago---a friendship. It may not seem gigantic, but it was to me...enough to make my tears rupture ferociously. Tonight meant volumes and brought a sense of excitement of what's to come.

"I love you, Mommy..."~